'/> Uncommon Hours: “Excuuuuuse me!!"
Blogging on culture, politics, and the environment since 2008.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

“Excuuuuuse me!!"

Remember the old Steve Martin routine, “How to be a millionaire and never pay taxes”?

His solution began, “First, get a million dollars.”

The Bush version might be called, “How to commit any crime you want and get away with it.”

And the opening line: “First, get to be president of the United States.”

With two months remaining until the inauguration of Barack Obama, Bush’s punchline may be a blanket pardon for anyone who engaged in torture, with the pardonees to be unnamed and possibly to include Bush himself!

But with the incoming Obama administration apparently disinclined to prosecute, Bush can avoid issuing pardons to his administration (and himself) and thereby admitting they did anything illegal.

The next step in Martin’s plan was to pay no taxes on your million and then tell the tax man you forgot, which sounds like what would happen if charges were ever brought against Bush and company—a page from the decades old Republican playbook. It was, after all, Reagan who turned "I don't remember" from a sentence into a chant, though former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales raised this refrain to high political art. Of course, there's always that Reagan chestnut, "plausible deniability."

And in case you’ve forgotten, here’s Martin’s complete routine.

It’s a lot funnier than W’s.

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